Grammar

Grammar/Mechanics Challenge 1. The following letter has errors in spelling, proofreading, noun plurals, and sentence structure. Use your own name as the writer. Print your revision with a 1-inch margin above the letterhead. Adjust the space between the date and inside address to balance the letter on the page. Submit to your instructor. Identify this assignment. Do not print these instructions.

Forest Communication Services

259 Elm Street, Suite 400

Cambridge, MA 02124

(617) 830-2871

www.forestcommunication.com

April 12, 200x

Ms. Rachel M. Fisher

Workplace Monthly Magazine

302 Northland Boulevard

Cincinnati, OH 45246

Dear Ms. Fletcher:

Thank you for giving Forrest Communication Services opportunity to contribute to the magazine article. That you are writing about Web conferencing for Workplace Monthly Magazine. My specialty here at Forest Communication is conferencing service’s for North America.

Online meetings are definitely becomming more frequent. Web conferencing began in the 1990’s, but it has grown rapidly in the 2000’s. Many companys find that such meeting save time and money. Participants can hold live, interactive meetings and share documents and presentations. Without ever leaving their offices or homes. Web conferencing is simply more convenient then having to attend meeting in person. Let me summarize a few Web conferencing feature:

1. Participant ID. This feature displays on your screen the name of all attendee’s and indicates who is talking over the phone line.

1. PowerPoints/Document Sharring. Presenters can show batchs of Web-based visuals and describe them by talking on the telephone.

1. Polling/Surveys. A virtual “show of hands” can speed consensus and shorten a meeting.

Many users consider this feature one of the real luxurys of Web conferencing. Businessmen and businesswoman from countrys around the world are turning to Web conferances because of the many plus’s and few minus’s. Do you plan to discuss the pro’s and con’s of conferencing in your article? Our Web site has a list of FAQ’s that you might find interesting. I would be happy to provide more information if you call me at (617) 830-8701.

Cordially,

Your Name

Writing Improvement Exercises

To help you, the solutions to several problems are already provided. Be sure to type your answers at the indented points after each enumeration to avoid the problem of automated numbering.

AUDIENCE BENEFITS AND THE “YOU” VIEW

Revise the following sentences to emphasize the perspective of the audience and the“you” view.

1. To avoid suffering the kinds of monetary losses we have experienced in the past, our credit union prohibits the cashing of third-party checks presented by our members.

Our facility will be pleased to cash all properly executed checks other than third-party checks.

2. To help us process your order with our new database software, we need you to go to this Web site,

www.databasefullfillment.com

, and fill out the customer information required.

Please visit our website


www.databasefullment.com

to help us process your order.

3. We are pleased to announce an arrangement with H-P that allows us to offer discounted computers in the student bookstore.

4. Under a new policy, reimbursement of travel expenses will be restricted to those related to work only.

5. We are pleased to announce that you have been approved to enroll in our management trainee program.

6. I give my permission for you to attend the two-day workshop.

CONVERSATIONAL, PROFESSIONAL TONE

Revise the following to make the tone conversational yet professional.

7. Under separate cover the above-referenced items (printer toner and supplies) are being sent to your Oakdale office, as per your telephone conversation of April 1.

As you requested in your phone call of April 1, we are pleased to send you the printer toner and supplies directly to your Oakdale office.

8. Kindly inform the undersigned whether or not your representative will be making a visitation in the near future.

9. It is recommended that you conceptualize and submit your departmental budget ASAP.

10. BTW, we’ve had some slippage in the schedule but don’t have to scrap everything and start from step zero.

11. To facilitate ratification of this agreement, your negotiators urge that the membership respond in the affirmative.

POSITIVE AND COURTEOUS EXPRESSION

Revise the following statements to make them more positive.

12. Customers are ineligible for the 10 percent discount unless they show their membership cards.

Please show your membership card in order to receive your 10 percent discount.

13. Titan Insurance Company will not process any claim not accompanied by documented proof from a physician showing that the injuries were treated.

14. If you fail to comply with each requirement, you will not receive your $50 rebate.

15. We must withhold remuneration until you complete the job satisfactorily.

16. We can’t process your application because you neglected to insert your telephone number.

17. Construction cannot begin until the building plans are approved.

18. All employees must return their health care packets by November 1, or they will not be able to change any options.

INCLUSIVE LANGUAGE

Revise the following sentences to eliminate terms that are considered sexist or that suggest stereotypes.

19. Any applicant for the position of fireman must submit a medical report signed by his physician.

All applicants for the position of firefighter must submit a medical report signed by their physicians. OR Any applicant for the position of firefighter must submit a medical report signed by his or her physician.

20. Every employee is entitled to see his personnel file.

21. All waiters and waitresses are covered under our new benefits package.

22. A salesman would have to use all his skills to sell those condos.

23. All conference participants and their wives are invited to the banquet.

24. How many man hours are required to complete the project?

PLAIN ENGLISH AND FAMILIAR WORDS

Revise the following sentences to use plain English and familiar words.

25. Please ascertain whether we must perpetuate our current contract despite perplexing profits.

Please determine if we must keep our current contract despite uncertain profits.

26. He hypothesized that the vehicle was not operational because of a malfunctioning gasket.

27. Because we cannot monitor all cash payments, we must terminate the contract.

28. The contract stipulates that management must perpetuate the retirement plan.

29. I’ll interface with Mark to access his people.

30. Unilateral nullification of the terms and conditions of the expiring agreement absent bona fide impasse is prohibited.

The document makeover has errors in grammar, but the most serious flaw is the negative tone. Try to improve the tone so that the employees will be motivated to perform in a positive manner. (Erase this comment when you finish the homework)

TO: All Employees

FROM: R. Smith, Personnel Director

DATE: December 27, 2011

SUBJECT: TIME CARDS

It has come to my attention that many of you are lying on your time cards. If you come in late, you should not put 8:00 on your card. If you take a long lunch, you should not put 1:00 on your time card. I will not stand for this type of cheating. I simply have no choice but to institute an employee monitoring system. Beginning next Monday, video cameras will be installed at all entrances to the building, and your entry and exit times will be logged each time you use electronic key cards to enter or leave.

Anyone who is late for work or late coming back from lunch more than three times will have to answer to me. I don’t care if you had to take a nap or if you girls had to shop. This is a place of business, and we do not want to be take advantage of by slackers who are cheaters to boot.

It is too bad that a few bad apples have to spoil things for everyone.

xx

Grammar/Mechanics Challenge 2. The following e-mail message has errors in spelling, proofreading, noun plurals, conversational tone, unfamiliar words, and other writing techniques. Use your own name as the writer. Print your revision with a 1-inch margin and submit to your instructor. Identify this assignment. Do not print these instructions.

To: Max Westerfield

From:

Gil

bert W. Ho

Subject: Analysis of Pepsi XL

Cc:

Attached:

Max,

Herewith is a summation of the research project assigned to Richard Adams and I vis-à-vis Pepsi XL. As you know, this is the reduced-sugar cola drink being introduced by our company’s No. 1 competitor.

In just under one year, Pepsi-Cola developed this innovative drink. It contains mix of 50 percent sugar (high-fructose corn syrup) and 50 percent artificial sweetener (aspartame). Apparently, Pepsi-Cola plans to spend over $8 million to introduce the drink and to ascertain consumers’ reactions to it. It will be tested on the shelfs of grocerys, mass merchants, and conveneince stores in five citys in Florida.

The company’s spokesperson said, “The ‘X’ stands for excelent taste, and the ‘L’ for less sugar.” Aimed at young adults who don’t like the taste of aspartame but who want to control calorys, the new cola is a hybrid sugar and diet drink. Our studys have shown that similar drinks tried in this country in the 1990s were unsuccessful. However, a 50-calorie low-sugar cola introduced in Canada two year ago was well received. In Japan a 40-calorie soda was not successful until it was marketed heavily.

Neither Mr. Adams nor myself hypothesize that this country’s consumers will be interested in a midcalorie cola at this time. In fact, all of we analysts in the lab were flabbergasted at Wall Street’s favorable response to the Pepsi announcement. Pepsi-Cola’s stock value augmented sharply.

If the decision were up to Mr. Adams or I, him and I would take a wait-and-see attitude toward the introduction of our own low-sugar drink. We do not want to badmouth the new drink, but we believe it is smarter to consider our own drink after we monitor the success of Pepsi XL. We cannot send our full report until June 1.

Gil

Gilbert W. Ho

Research and Development

Office: (914) 682-9811

Cell: (914) 358-3802

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