BSCOM/310T Interpersonal Communication

2.1Listening
Listening Transcript
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LEARNING OBJECTIVES
1. Identify the basic principles of effective listening and how they apply within an
organization.
2. Understand the value of effective listening when working one-on-one and in small and
large groups.
3. Know and understand the various types of listening skills and how their thoughtful
execution can affect interpersonal relations within the workplace.
4. Appreciate listening as a personal and professional responsibility with significant
individual and organizational consequences.
5. Identify common barriers to effective listening and discover effective solutions.
Listen to Learn
Figure 2.1: Company training.
Photo by zhuhehuai via Pexels.
You’ve just attended a company training and watched the instructor build a new
device. Walking back to your desk, you recall what you saw but not a word of the
process the instructor used to build the device. If only you’d been listening!
Cognitive psychologists have proven that when senders employ multiple senses
when sharing information, they improve the likelihood their message will be
absorbed, understood, and remembered by the receiver.1 Children learn to read
using picture books. Bakers master technique by watching a cooking show. Athletes
complete an exercise following a coach’s demonstration. But even a multisensory
presentation isn’t foolproof. Just like in the example above, sometimes people still
won’t absorb information.
The receiver may have heard the presentation—sounds entered his ears—but he
wasn’t listening. Listening, at its core, requires focus. It means giving one’s full
attention to the words being said and also to those that aren’t said, to
paralanguage—like tone and inflection—and to nonverbal cues—like body language
and context. Listening is not a passive process. An effective listener actively
engages with the sender in the message delivery process by exhibiting an intent to
understand. Table 2.1 lists reasons people listen.
Table 2.1
Purposes of Listening
1. To focus attention on the message being delivered
2. To critically assess what is being said
3. To understand meaning, point of view, and sentiment
4. To observe nonverbal communication and apply its meaning to a given context
5. To show interest, compassion, and concentration
6. To encourage open sharing through supportive feedback
7. To respect the speaker with one’s full attention
8. To learn
Considering the countless uses listening lends to our relations with others, it’s
surprising how few are actually good at it. Research indicates the average person
listens at only 25 percent efficiency.2 Worse still, many people report little desire to
improve. An endless number of factors could be to blame for this, but an all too
common problem built into many organizational cultures is championing the
employer’s voice. On the surface, this may sound egalitarian in nature, but the reality
is few company cultures practice strategies to turn well-intentioned statements into
constructive, team-building opportunities. Lee Iacocca, former president and CEO of
Chrysler Corporation, put it this way: “[Businesspeople need] to listen at least as
much as [they] need to talk. Too many people fail to realize that real communication
goes in both directions.”3
If you’re still not convinced listening is worth your time, consider this: You’re already
spending 70 percent of your time communicating and 45 percent of that time
listening.4 Why not seek to excel at something that constitutes almost a third of your
lifespan?
2.2Basic Principles of Listening
Basic Principles of Listening Transcript
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Context invariably influences all interpersonal communication within an organization,
whether the physical environment, social factors, and culture that we outlined
in Topic 1 or the emotional climate and expectations of the participants. Whatever
combination of these is present in a given situation, the same basic principles of
listening always apply. Let’s take a closer look at the principles of listening:
Stop talking. Be quiet in mind and voice. When the speaker is talking, don’t interrupt.
Steven R. Covey writes, “Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen
with the intent to reply.”1 Be patient. Wait your turn to speak.
Pay attention. Be fully present and turn off any distractions. The noise of modern life has
come to make this difficult, if not impossible at times. The average person sees 6,000 to
10,000 ads a day.2 This leads to message overexposure. But no matter how advanced
technology becomes, the value and importance of listening remain unchanged. If you want
others to listen to you, listen to them.
Listen without judgment. Open your mind to willingly follow the sender’s story without
presumption. Bias and unconscious bias are significant factors influencing a listener’s ability
to absorb a message without agenda.
Show you’re listening. Give feedback with words and gestures that reflect understanding.
Sometimes silence is an appropriate response. A simple nod, smile, or gesture can
effectively express understanding.
Listen to learn. Good listeners ask thoughtful questions. We’ll distinguish between this and
other types of listening later in this chapter.
Practice empathy. Listening with another’s feelings in mind takes into account all the other
principles of listening and effectively expresses respect, inclusion, compassion, patience,
and understanding.
Figure 2.2: Listening.
Photo by mentatdgt via Pexels.
Attention
Of these listening principles, perhaps the most crucial element is attention. Attention
is at the center of listening, and listening is the conduit to understanding, which is the
goal of any information exchange. Simply put, without attention, nothing works.
Consider the following scenario between colleagues:
“It’s been a rough day,” Alexis says through gritted teeth. “My client is impossible. I
have too many meetings. Jonas keeps bothering me. I have a killer headache. And I
still haven’t finished my timesheet. If only it—”
“Well, I’m just loving my new hours and office mate!” Tara interrupts with a
dismissive laugh. “Today just flew by.”
Who, in this example, is not paying attention? How can you tell? How many of the
above principles has the receiver in this scenario, Tara, disregarded? Arguably, she
hasn’t listened well at all. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon workplace behavior to be
interrupted by another’s self-important agenda, reflecting little to no respect or
understanding for a sender’s meaning and sentiment. How could Tara have been a
better listener? To answer this question, let’s take a closer look at feedback.
Informal Feedback
In order to communicate to Alexis that she’s listening, Tara must show her. Tara
must show Alexis that she’s put herself and all distractions aside to focus on Alexis
and demonstrate that she cares about Alexis and her message and that she means
it. This “show and tell” captures the essence of feedback or reflection, which is any
combination of verbal or nonverbal messages a receiver returns to the sender in a
given context. Active listening requires the receiver to suspend any judgment or
biases long enough to hear what’s being said in spite of any listening barriers
to indicate understanding.
In our example, Alexis has used words and a facial expression to communicate
meaning. By paying attention to these and applying context from their shared
workplace, Tara should have enough information to give feedback with empathy.
Read the same scenario with amended feedback.
Figure 2.3: Alexis and Tara.
Photo by Sora Shimazaki via Pexels.
“It’s been a rough day,” Alexis said through gritted teeth. “My client is impossible. I
had too many meetings. Jonas kept bothering me. I have a killer headache. And I still
haven’t finished my timesheet. If only it was Friday.”
“Gosh, Alexis, I’m sorry to hear you had such a rotten day,” Tara replied putting an
arm around her colleague’s shoulder. “Your client has no idea how lucky they are to
have your representation. Is there any way I can help you get through the week?”
Can you feel the difference? Tara did, in fact, give feedback in our first example; she
just did so ineffectively. This time, by putting aside her own excitement, she was able
to listen to her colleague and respond with verbal and nonverbal communication that
left little doubt of her compassion and understanding.
An informal exchange like this one between colleagues presents different emotional
variables and perhaps more flexible nonverbal communication options for feedback
than might a formal exchange. Context matters.
Formal Feedback
Performance reviews and professional development trainings are common
organizational environments within which to give and receive feedback. To set the
scene, consider the following dialogue between a boss and her subordinate.
“Thanks for coming in today, Javier. Unfortunately, I’ve had some complaints from a
few of your colleagues about your attitude in meetings and the quality of your work.
What do you—”
“That’s just ridiculous! What you’re not hearing is how they use meetings to
socialize, going on and on about the last night’s antics. It’s not just my work that
suffers but all of ours!”
“I understand. Well, if you’d have let me finish, I’d intended to ask your perspective.
Now I’m inclined to think there might be some truth in their complaints.”
There are two rounds of feedback here: first, from the subordinate, Javier, and then
from the boss.
Javier, much like the receiver in part one of our previous scenario, interrupted the
sender’s message. And while the inflammatory nature of the message was likely to
have incited a frustrated response, feedback in a professional or formal setting must
reflect a certain level of diplomacy. This begins with open listening, which, as we’ve
discussed, requires a certain degree of emotional intelligence; being aware of one’s
own emotions makes managing them possible. This way, when feedback triggers an
emotional response that may not be appropriate in a given context, it can be
controlled.
The appropriate emotional response is demonstrated by the boss in the second
round of feedback. Unlike her subordinate, the boss has listened to the sender’s
feedback in spite of his inherent disrespect. We know this because she’s explicitly
told Javier that she understands what he said. This simple acknowledgment of the
message and its meaning lets Javier know he was being listened to and allows his
boss to then return to her own agenda and explain how the exchange has informed
her opinion. Navigating feedback in any context takes practice. Often, like Javier, we
learn the hard way.
Table 2.2 offers a reference for adaptable verbal and nonverbal responses that
ensure receiver listening and comprehension have taken place without also
expressing an inappropriate degree of emotion. This sort of feedback invites the
sender to adapt, clarify, elaborate, or repeat a message in order to improve
communication.
Table 2.2
Verbal Feedback
Nonverbal Feedback
Can you say that again? I don’t understand/was distracted. Nodding
Let me see if I understand you correctly. [Repeat what was Open palms vs. clenched hands
heard.]
I hear you. May I comment?
Maintaining eye contact
You sound frustrated/overwhelmed. Can I help?
Ignoring a ringing phone
Tell me what’s going on.
Smiling or showing concern
I’m listening. Please explain.
Laughing
I appreciate your feedback, but . . . [perspective shared]
Leaning body forward or head to
the side
2.3Types of Listening
If the principles of listening describe how we listen, types of listening define why. In
1979, Andrew D. Wolvin and Carolyn Gwynn Coakley, two researchers and writers
in the field of listening, classified five such categories.1 The primary two,
discriminative and comprehensive listening, can be broken down into the other three:
informational, critical, and empathetic listening.
Discriminative Listening
Figure 2.4: Discriminative listening.
Photo by Ekaterina Bolovtsova via Pexels.
Discriminative listening is listening for sound, not meaning. From birth, perhaps as
an innate survival mechanism, hearing babies learn to discern sounds with
increasing distinction.2 Beginning as an ability to distinguish between adults’ voices,
discriminative listening matures to recognize phonetic differences to identify
language. Later, adults consciously listening for words are unconsciously listening to
their tone, rhythm, accent, and pitch. The ability to hear paralanguage provides
helpful, often fundamental context to understand semantics and sentiments. Let’s
consider the following example:
Taeyeon hadn’t even opened the conference room door, and she could hear the
commotion. Recalling all the whispering she’d heard lately around the office, she
braced herself for the worst and opened the door. Everyone was shouting with arms
in the air and furrows in brows. She couldn’t understand a single word but gathered
bad news was coming.
Without distinguishing words, Taeyeon’s ability to listen discriminatively allowed her
to surmise context for understanding. This, combined with her observation of visual
cues—raised arms and furrowed brows—enabled Taeyeon to understand the
situation more fully and with feeling. This particular example highlights a familiar
organizational scenario: approaching a situation one knows little or nothing about
with the expectation to participate intelligibly. We’ll discuss this at length later, but for
now, suffice it to say discriminative listening is often the receiver’s best tool to
manage expectations and behave appropriately.
Comprehensive Listening
Comprehensive listening is listening for meaning. This, of course, requires the
receiver to be able to exercise knowledge of the language being used. Messages
containing vagaries, complicated jargon, or workplace shop talk will likely thwart
even a focused listener’s ability to understand a sender’s meaning. Consider the
following example:
Abdalla pounded the table with his fist and smiled. “If we do this right, we’ll have
them exactly where we want them. Let’s get out there and show them how we work!”
In this example, different people listening to Abdalla’s address will likely come away
with different meanings. Who, exactly, is the “we” he referred to? And “where” do we
want them exactly? If 12 people were in the room, it may be that only three had
actually been privy to the context necessary to decipher Abdalla’s meaning. The
other nine might have tried to pay attention to body language and tone instead, but
even Abdalla’s physical expressions were mixed, with a smile and pounding fist. As
this example indicates, if understanding is the goal, it is critical for any
comprehensive listener to seek clarification.
A note on ambiguity: Unclear instructions from superiors, pointless meetings, and other
workplace stressors are documented to have deleterious effects expanding well beyond the
conference room, causing results such as delayed or incomplete projects to low morale and
missed performance goals. Ineffective listening can cost organizations hundreds of
thousands of dollars every year.3
Discriminative and comprehensive listening types are more effective if exercised
together, especially since a receiver often has more than one reason for listening.
Understanding both provides helpful context for exercising the following three
listening types:
Informational Listening
Informational listening is listening to learn. If a friend asks whether you like a
movie and then promptly interrupts your answer to tell you how hungry he or she is,
this would not be listening to learn. Informational listening requires several of our
foundational principles, including silence, attention, and openness. It could appear to
be a less active listening—think a student in a lecture, who is listening to learn but
not engaging in a dialogue with the instructor—but learning requires concentration
and concerted effort to understand. Much like a student in a lecture hall, an
employee attending a staff meeting may take notes. Since environments like these
often limit opportunities for immediate feedback, notes provide the means for a
listener to review a message for meaning and time to formulate potential questions.
Critical Listening
Figure 2.5: Critical listening.
Photo by Jopwell via Pexels.
Critical listening is analytical; listening with the goal to evaluate. “Critical” does not
have to connote negativity. In fact, critical listening is most effective if approached
without an agenda, preconceptions, or expectations so that analysis can be formed
strictly from the receiver’s discriminative and comprehensive listening.
Knowing when critical listening is appropriate is important. Let’s revisit Javier’s
performance review:
“Thanks for coming in today, Javier. Unfortunately, I’ve had some complaints from a
few of your colleagues about your attitude in meetings and the quality of your work.
What do you—”
“That’s just ridiculous! What you’re not hearing is how they use meetings to
socialize, going on and on about the last night’s antics. It’s not just my work that
suffers but all of ours!”
In this example, Javier has applied critical listening by casting judgment prematurely.
He should have applied informational listening. If he’d listened to his boss’s entire
message, he would have understood her goal to gain clarification and could have
calmly accepted an invitation to offer his perspective. Additional context could also
have influenced Javier’s critical listening ability, including the personal and
environmental dynamics of the situation, as well as the trustworthiness and
believability of Javier’s boss. Taken together, a critical listener must be able to
navigate any of the subliminal and psychological strategies employed in persuasive
communication. In our example, Javier failed to do this effectively once his emotions
superseded his willingness to listen objectively.
Empathetic Listening
Figure 2.6: Empathetic listening.
Photo by Kamaji Ogino via Pexels.
You might assume critical listening would be best suited for problem-solving
scenarios. To an extent, it and its prerequisites are. But inviting empathy to the
conversation is the real game-changer. Empathetic listening means paying
attention to the speaker’s feelings and emotions in order to realize and understand
the point of view. We’re often reminded to put ourselves in someone else’s situation.
By doing so, we can appreciate a perspective that may otherwise feel foreign to us.
When emotions run deeper than our patience, empathetic listening can be a
particularly challenging practice. Let’s revisit the conversation between Alexis and
Tara:
“It’s been a rough day,” Alexis said through gritted teeth. “My client is impossible. I
had too many meetings. Jonas kept bothering me. I have a killer headache. And I still
haven’t finished my timesheet. If only it—”
“Well, I’m just loving my new hours and office mate!” Tara exclaimed with a
dismissive laugh. “Today just flew by.”
Tara is not practicing empathetic listening. On the contrary, she has made no effort
to understand how her colleague feels and has asserted her own feelings instead.
This dismissal extinguishes any opportunity for the two to build trust and grow
rapport. By interrupting, Tara has discouraged Alexis from asking for her help and
potentially resolving her frustration. But less about what is said and more about what
is shown, empathetic listening is best expressed through silent, uninterrupted
attention.
Putting Them All Together
Of course, these five types of listening are far from comprehensive. Others include
the following:
Appreciative listening: listening for enjoyment—e.g., one may listen to music to relax.
Rapport listening: listening with the goal to instill trust and likability—e.g., a saleswoman
may listen intently to a potential customer to instill trust in her product.
Selective listening: filtered listening—e.g., a child hears only that he can play, not that he
has to finish his homework first. This has a negative connotation.
Even including these, countless factors often blur the lines between the various
types of listening and impact their effectivity, whether they be a listener’s attitude,
circumstance, knowledge, experience, environment, or emotional intelligence.
Suffice it to say, the best practice is to practice.
2.4Accepting Responsibility to Listen
All types of listening require a receiver’s participation and are, therefore, considered
motives of active listening. The degree to which any type of active listening takes
place—from distracted to dynamic—depends largely upon the receiver’s perceived
responsibility in an exchange of information. Ultimately, how willing is he or she to
listen?
The effectiveness of active listening requires the responsible listener to competently
navigate all of the previously mentioned variables in the appropriate context. And if
that’s not enough, the multitasking listener must simultaneously consider how his or
her listening appears to the sender. Thinking no and nodding yes will communicate
mixed messages and perhaps stop the message in its tracks. This is why showing
that you are actively listening is so important. It affects the sender’s reception,
perception, and interpretation of not just being heard but also recognizing if a
message is understood, valued, or respected. Table 2.2 outlined a few common
behaviors and phrases to express active listening. That list and the following
descriptions are far from exhaustive and may differ in meaning across cultures.
Active Listening: Nonverbal Communication
Figure 2.7: Nonverbal communication.
Photo by Amina Filkins via Pexels.
The following is a shortlist of some of the most expressed nonverbal communication
behaviors used to indicate active listening.
Smiling or nodding: This can be a simple way to acknowledge to the speaker that the
receiver is paying attention or agreeing to what is being said.
Mirroring: Mimicking the body language of the speaker is an effective way to silently
express empathy. It’s a way of saying, “I understand you because I’m doing what you’re
doing.” Be aware, however, that this can happen subconsciously, thus causing feedback to
be sent unintentionally.
Gesturing: Showing one’s palms (as opposed to crossed arms or clenched fists) is an
expression of vulnerability. Open palms indicate listening with an open mind.
Eye contact: Looking, while not staring, into the eyes of the speaker indicates listening with
full attention while not appearing intimidating. Additional facial expressions can soften or
intensify the gaze based on a given situation.
Posture: Leaning forward indicates more attentive listening, while slouching or leaning to
the side reflect disinterest or a desire to leave.
Active Listening: Verbal Communication
The following list of terms defines some of the most effective verbal communication
strategies employed to indicate active listening:
Reinforcement: While supportive in nature, words of affirmation can distract a speaker if
offered mid-delivery. As with any effective listening, waiting to speak until the conclusion of
the message can be more constructive, especially if an additional explanation is requested.
Figure 2.8: Verbal communication.
Photo by Athena via Pexels.
Questioning: Asking questions relevant to message context are clear indications of active
listening. Not only might answers provide clarification but questions themselves also reflect
the listener’s attention and interest.
Repetition: Reflecting back to the speaker what he or she said is a surefire way to indicate
active listening.
Clarification: Given that ambiguity plagues organizations, seeking clarity for the purpose of
understanding should be equally prevalent. Asking generative, or open, questions invites a
speaker to better explain his or her message.
Summarization: Paraphrasing what was heard indicates to the speaker that the receiver
has indeed been listening for the duration and understands what was said. Depending on
message length, notes may help a listener remember details or reflections worth sharing
along the way.
We’ll be examining these concepts in more detail later, as they affect feedback
efforts in rapport building, negotiations, interviews and other two-way interpersonal
communication strategies.
2.5Barriers to Effective Listening
All our examples have proven listening is an imperfect science. A host of barriers
can compromise even the most masterful execution. Those who call themselves
good listeners usually aren’t. This is why it’s worth repeating: effective listening takes
practice. Rather than being a box to tick, effective, active listening requires all of your
attention every time you set your ears and eyes into action. No one will always get it
right. Consider one more example:
The budget meeting had dragged well into the evening, and Wei had shifted his gaze
to the world outside the window. Suddenly, upon hearing his name, he returned his
attention to the meeting. “Wei? Are you with us? Can you explain this for everyone?”
Figure 2.9: Budget meeting.
Photo by Daria Shevtsova via Pexels.
Many of us have experienced something similar to Wei, being physically present with
an intention to listen while our minds drift elsewhere. Boredom, room temperature,
daydreaming, or any number of factors could have derailed Wei’s attention. And he
wouldn’t have been the only one in the room. Ineffective listening costs organizations
precious time, resources, and productivity every day. Just five minutes spent
repeating information to one person in a room of 12 wastes an hour of work
time.1 Another statistic says that 34 percent of employees consistently attribute
decreased productivity to ambiguity and lack of clarity.2 It’s no wonder organizations
blame ineffective listening for an annual $75 million loss.3
The most common reasons for this fall into one of two categories: internal or external
barriers. Fortunately, with adequate awareness, practice, or training, many can be
managed, corrected, or avoided altogether.
External Barriers
External barriers may be more obvious to detect and perhaps easier to affect than
internal barriers. Traffic sounds might be avoidable by moving inside or closing a
window. A television in the room can be turned off. In most cases, simple remedies
can eliminate the barrier.
Noise: Anything that can distort a message so that it is received in a different way from
which it was intended. This can include anything from environmental sounds like humming
machines to background music. A speaker’s use of complicated jargon, cultural references,
or inside jokes are also examples of noise.
Visual distractions: Anything a listener sees that may cause one to turn attention away
from the speaker. This can be anything from people walking by to a television screen or
nature visible through a window.
Physical environment: Anything in a given setting that may cause one to become
distracted. Clutter, lighting, temperature, smell, privacy, and space are all possible factors.
Manipulative objects: Anything on the listener’s person that can cause unconscious
fidgeting. This could include coins, chewing gum, a pen cap, hair, and jewelry.
The speaker: Anything about the speaker’s appearance that could divert the listener’s
attention. This could include wardrobe, perfume, mannerisms, voice, food in teeth, and bad
breath.
Electronic devices: An electronic device, such as a smartphone or a tablet, may cause
one’s attention to turn from the matter at hand to the latest text, email, or Instagram post.
Internal Barriers
Internal barriers refer to distractions within the mind of a listener. These can be
challenging to manage, not least of all because they can be difficult to recognize.
Practicing mindfulness can help, as can seeking feedback from trusted colleagues
willing to support your listening skills development. Both require a dedication to
increase self-awareness for the benefit of your relationships and your workplace.
Anxiety: Any thoughts or concerns that take one’s thoughts away from the sender’s
message.
Narcissism: Any thoughts about oneself that put selfish interests before the speaker’s; also
known as “ego.”
Fatigue: Mental tiredness or laziness that makes paying attention and comprehension
difficult.
Boredom: A lack of interest in the speaker’s message usually colored by one’s attitude.
Superiority complex: Belief that the speaker has nothing of value to offer.
Cognitive dissonance: Selective listening where the receiver hears only what aligns with
his or her personal interests.
Impatience: An unwillingness to wait for the speaker to finish his or her message.
2.6Summary
Figure 2.10: Listening effectively builds trust.
Photo by Trung Nguyen via Pexels.
Research has proven time and time again that by listening effectively you will learn
more, build trust, dissolve misunderstanding, reduce conflict, inspire confidence, and
lead others to do the same. Arguably, listening is an organization’s most valuable
renewable resource—but not without attention. Eliminating distractions, whether
internal or external, is critical to improving focus and facilitating understanding. And
once you’ve managed to cut through the noise, a skilled listener must hear with
ears and eyes to understand the messages that aren’t said and to give feedback
appropriately. If it feels overwhelming to patiently listen when your world might be
crashing down, just remember what it feels like when someone interrupts you. As
Richard Branson put it, “Nobody learned anything by hearing themselves speak.”1